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BUILDING FAMILIES NEWSLETTER
News and Information from PASS
Fall/Winter 2007
CASEY LIFE SKILLS ASSESSMENT PROGRAM HITS ALL THE RIGHT KEYS
By Irma Holland, PASS Program Coordinator
Has your youngster been making a series of poor choices of late? Is he/she having difficulty keeping the right perspective on school and relationships? Are you concerned that your child is struggling with low self-esteem? If you have a child between the ages of 12 and 18 years of age and you answered yes to one or more of the above life skills screening questions, the following might be of great interest to you. “How important is preparing your child for living independently in the real world?” Most, if not all parents would agree that preparing their child to live successfully in this world is “very important” and we agree wholeheartedly. Children that have not learned basic life skills (right) could experience failure on a number of levels. PASS has recently implemented an inclusive life skills approach, one that better prepares today’s teens for healthy, independent adulthood. The Casey Family Program’s Life Skills assessment and curriculum is kid- and teen- friendly. It works because it puts the child in control and utilizes their love of all things electronic. Spend an afternoon with any youngster and you’ll quickly realize they are the most technologically advanced beings on earth. The computer-based learning strikes the right chord and peaks their interest immediately. Kids truly enjoy using the online modules and learning plans – most complete the initial assessment with ease and develop a plan that allows them to learn at their own pace. “How can my child benefit if they have to create their own learning plan?” It’s the child’s active participation in the learning process that yields the greatest result. Although we are in the early stages of implementing life skills programming, we recognize that youngsters will learn and grow with careful guidance. For example, Horace’s life skills assessment indicated that he should work on building his communication skills. The life skills instructor guides Horace to the section on communication where a plan is quickly developed; one that Horace can understand and adapt to his own needs. Other resources and learning materials can be obtained as well. See page 2 to learn more about how your child can receive a life skills assessment through PASS or call us at 215-881-6800x20
TEENS MEET THE CHALLENGES OF SUMMERTIME MAKING CONNECTIONS
Ten awesome teenagers spent four days in July reviewing the issues and challenges they face as they grow to be healthy, productive adults. We are so proud of the group of kids who braved the summer heat to learn the importance of building essential life skills. On day one, in addition to hearing about the need for keeping to a budget and opening savings accounts, guest presenter, Juli Apple wowed them with her presentation on the “The Teens Language of Love”. Many of the teens couldn’t wait to give their moms a big hug! On day two, youngsters fine-tuned their budgeting skills and practiced their love of shopping. A real hit! These same young adults also created personal life books which highlighted their own interests & identity. On Day four, we celebrated the completion of the program by taking them to Jamz Rollerskating. A hearty thank you goes out to everyone who made the workshops a success.
PRACTICING LIFE SKILLS BEGINS AT HOME WITH THE DAILY CHORES
By Andrea Barol, PASS Administrative Assistant and Adoptive Mom
I was taking a break in my living room the other day. It’s not something that I usually get to do. In fact, most days when I’m not at work in the office at PASS, I can be found standing in the kitchen performing many of life’s chores and keeping an eye on my two kids. While sitting on the sofa, it suddenly occurred to me that my 11-year-old might be willing to make his mom a cup of tea. The problem was he had never done it before, so I would have to walk him through the entire process. Something I was willing to do (I really wanted that tea), but it got me to thinking about how ill-prepared kids can be in performing even the most basic life skills like boiling water. What will happen if I don’t guide him in the practice of basic life skills? Am I really setting him up to fail? The answer is yes and it’s a little scary. Since then, I’ve come to realize what experts in child development believe. We, as parents, should require our children to perform duties regularly at home as lessons in the value of contributing to the common good of the family. But how? Here are ten suggestions for setting up a practical no-nonsense family chore system you can organize for use every day. It requires a concerted effort on the family's part and maybe a little more patience than usual, but in the long run, your children will thank you for it. I did eventually get that cup of tea and it was delicious!!
How To Set-Up a Family Chore System*
 Set a good example by sharing the responsibility and duties involved in family life. Try to make the tasks age appropriate.
Make a list of what needs to be done. Be sure to involve the children in making up the list.
Assign deadlines for completing each task.
Decide on reasonable consequences & rewards.
Provide some helpful reminders (notes, lists, charts). Kids can help create these reminders.
Parents who teach them how to do the task, by breaking the tasks down, have much better results.
When (not if) a chore does not get done, avoid nagging conversations or arguments about it. Just remind them of the agreed upon consequences and then stick with your plan.
Parents will want to practice their plan to keep calm and in control of their emotions when working with their children. Otherwise, chores will become a real chore!
Celebrate small steps of progress often!
*Source: www.education.com and kentucky.gov
THIRD ANNUAL PERMANENCY CELEBRATION DAY—JULY 2007
The Third Annual Permanency Celebration on July 7, 2007 at Fernhill Park in Germantown was better than ever thanks to everyone who participated. We promised a day of “fun in the sun” and thanks to the beautiful weather that was what we delivered. Twenty-six families came out to enjoy the festivities. Thanks to our generous sponsors most everyone took home a prize or gift. The PASS staff loved meeting & greeting all the families & noted how happy and healthy the children all looked. Making the day especially great were the delicious desserts shared by all, the burgers and hot dogs that were lovingly prepared by our program volunteers, and the yummy soft pretzels; not to mention the kids’ activities! We hope to make the next Celebration Day even better, so watch for more info to come your way by late Spring.
PASS Making Connections Parents & Teens Workshop 2008
Moving Beyond Outside Influences: Preparing for the Future with Confidence
Day 1: Saturday, January 12, 2008 10:00 AM to 2 PM
Morning Program “Recognizing The Dangers of Outside Influences”
Parent Group Speaker: Carolyn Mitchell, Assistant Director, Philadelphia Youth Advocate Program Inc. (and adoptive mom).
Teen Group Speaker: Margarita Davis-Boyer, MSW, School Counselor, Girard College, former Youth Development Specialist and adoptive mom with first-hand knowledge of foster/adoption system.
Afternoon Program The Love, Hate, Joy and Pain Drama Troupe—an improvisational group under the artistic direction of Harold Brooks. Parents & teens get in touch with themes & situations that exist in their lives.
Day 2: Saturday, January 19, 2008 2 10:00 AM to 2 PM
Morning Program for Parents and Teens “Casey Life Skills Assessment and Learning Plan”
Individual computerized life skills assessments for teens.
Lunch and Life Skills Teen Resource Fair
Meet with representatives from Girls Inc., Boys and Girls Clubs of Philadelphia, YouthWorks, Metro Career Ctr. & other local programs with an emphasis on education, recreation and job training opportunities available for you and your teen.
Location: Temple University Center City, 1515 Market Street, Phila., #207
Meals: Continental breakfast provided at 9:30 AM both days;
Lunch provided Day 2.
To Register For Winter Making Connections: Contact PASS 215-881-6800 x203 or email: andreab@lcfsinpa.org.
For more info check out www.lcfsinpa.org/pass.
Reserve your space today for detailed and timely information about raising well-rounded teenagers amidst a multitude of outside influences.
The Challenges of Diagnosing Mental Health Disorders in Children Who Have Experienced Trauma and Loss
By Juli Apple, MSW, PASS Clinical Coordinator
When a child has emotional or behavioral concerns, it is often difficult to know what is going on and how to help. Children who are adopted may experience particular difficulty in receiving an accurate diagnosis for their challenges because the symptoms of grief, loss and the effects of trauma can be very similar to the symptoms of such commonly diagnosed disorders as Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD), Adjustment Disorder and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).
Consider the similarities in the symptoms of these 5 disorders illustrated below. Note: This is not an all-inclusive list of symptoms and should not be used to diagnose.
While the symptoms have commonalities, the treatment for these conditions may be very different. For example, ADHD is typically treated with medication. ODD may be treated with medication and/or behavioral therapy. These, among other diagnoses, often require ongoing treatment. On the other hand, PTSD, Adjustment Disorder and grief and trauma recovery can be addressed through traditional talk or other forms of therapy, a supportive home environment, and/or possibly medication. Treatment for these disorders is not expected to be ongoing, although a person may need to revisit these issues at various times throughout his or her life. Sometimes it appears there is no diagnosis that quite seems to fit for children who have experienced losses or traumas during their developmental years. There may be a new one on the horizon that will address the needs of some of the children we care for better than any currently available. A team of psychologists is working to develop a new diagnosis, which they are calling Developmental Trauma Disorder (DTD), for possible inclusion in the next version of the Diagnostic Statistical Manual (DSM), a tool used for diagnosis of mental health disorders.
This discussion and possible diagnosis reinforces the concept among many child welfare workers, foster and adoptive parents, and trauma specialists that there is hope for healing among children who have had difficult experiences during their developmental years. With further understanding about the effects their experiences have had on them, more effective treatments can be provided.
For more information on the possible new diagnosis, call the National Child Traumatic Stress Network at (310) 235-2633 or check out http://www.nctsnet.org.
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ADD/ADHD
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ODD
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PTSD
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Grief/Trauma
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Inattentiveness
Distractibility
Impatience
Poor concentration
Fidgety
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Angry
Defiant
Uncooperative
Easily annoyed
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Depression
Hopelessness
Worry
Nervousness
Fear of separation
Recklessness
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BIBLIOGRAPHY
· Am. Academy of Children & Adolescent Psychiatry. www.aacap.org
· U. of Virginia Health System. www.healthsystem.virginia.edu
· Monitor on Psychology at Am. Psychiatric Assoc.
www.apa.org/monitor
Mental Health Law Changes
A significant change has occurred to the law that governs age of consent for adolescents ages 14-17. Under the previous law, children in this age group needed to consent to voluntary treatment, including evaluations and treatment. Under the current law in Pennsylvania, consent for voluntary treatment for 14-17 year olds can be given by either the adolescent or his or her parent. In other words, if the adolescent refuses mental health treatment, either inpatient or outpatient, the parent’s consent will be sufficient for the child to receive services. Likewise, the parent’s consent is not needed if the child in this age group consents.
ADOPTS Specialized Therapy for Pre– and Post-Adopted Children in Distress.
The ADOPTS program places its emphasis on treatment of post-traumatic experiences of children. Adopted children between the ages of 8 and 17 (although younger children may also qualify), who continue to struggle in their adoptive families would be ideal candidates for an assessment interview. Your child will develop skills and tools for emotion management, relationship enhancement, social situations, and self-identity. Currently at no cost to families. Mary Beth Hadley, MSW, LSW, Bethany Christian Services —1-800-215-0702—mhadley@bethany.org
CASE MANAGEMENT/ADVOCACY is another essential part of our program; one that we offer to adoptive families free of charge, and when used to its full potential is invaluable to adoptive families. Most parents today already know how “larger than life” problems can leave them confused, frustrated and exhausted. To make matters worse, when troubles loom, many adoptive families don’t know who to turn to. PASS is here to help you and we’re just a phone call away. Here are a few examples of how we have helped other adoptive families within the last year.
♦A young single adoptive mother needed an appropriate therapeutic child care placement for her son. Once found, mom could return to school and look for work. PASS Case Managers skillfully located a suitable community resource and the child is now getting the specialized day care he needs and mom is back in school.
♦When an adoptive family of eight lost all of their material possessions in a tragic house fire, PASS case management worked alongside the family, reaching out to the community for help, resulting in many kind and thoughtful donations to help them get back on their feet.
♦A teenage adoptee refused to go to school. PASS Case Managers accurately assessed the situation, encouraged increased therapeutic services, and acted as the child’s advocate at school so that eventually the girl was promoted and accepted to the high school of her choice.
As you can see, our staff of child welfare professionals possess the tools, training and commitment to help you find solutions to your concerns,
PASS FAMILY SUPPORT GROUPS: It’s never too late to find time for enrichment, companionship and support. Parents are encouraged to bring any concerns/topics they might have to the group for discussion. 6:30 PM start time. Children & Teen groups run at the same time. Dinner is provided. We have screened babysitters for parents who need coverage at home. Southampton Dates and Topics: 11/27/07—Early Trauma and Mental Health Issues by Juli Apple, MSW; 12/4/07—Teaching Children the Value of Money, Christine Luke, MSW; Location: Bethanna, 1030 Second Street Pike, Southampton. West Philadelphia Dates and Topics: 11/29/07—”Three Kinds of Families”; 12/13/07—“Nurturing Other Adults and Ourselves”; Speaker: Althea Stinson, MSW. Location: LCFS, 231 North 63rd Street, Phila. For more info or to reserve a space for your family, call Andrea at 215-881-6800 x203. All phone calls and inquiries are welcome!
A SPECIAL THANK YOU goes out to all of the families who completed the PASS ANNUAL SURVEY this fall. Your comments and suggestions were helpful and incredibly insightful. Our goal is to respond to your needs so thank you again!
BUILDING FAMILIES NEWSLETTER
News and Information from PASS
Spring 2007
Because Coming Together is a Beginning....
Welcome From Irma S. Holland, MSW, PASS Program Coordinator:
With increasing pressures from jobs, school, and kids' activities, it is becoming more and more difficult to find time to focus on just being a family. How important is family time? I am sure that I would get varying answers, but I think most of you would agree that it is one of the most important things a family can do. You might be wondering how to fit family time into already crowded schedules.
One way that you can make valuable family time is to find out the special interests of everyone and plan to do each of those things during regularly scheduled family time. Besides having fun you will be learning more about one another. A big plus is that each family member gets to feel extra special when their activity is the central theme of the day or evening. Games are a great way to bring the family together as well as teach children how to be good winners and losers. Why not try to set aside one night a week or month as family game night? Some games you might want to try are Family Fun Cranium, Whoonu, and Conga. Now is the perfect time to start planning what you will do for family time when school is out and the weather is warm and sunny. Although the kids will be busy with camps and all the wonder of summer, it is also a great time to maximize family time and enhance connectedness in the family. Send us your special formula for family time and we’ll share it with our readers, email: iholland@bethanna.org
An example of a "Tree of Trust"
Report on our Most Recent Making Connections Workshop - January 2007
Our Winter Making Connections Adults and Teens Workshop got off to a good start when many parents and teens came together for two days of discussion and inspiration. The mornings began with a refreshing breakfast of bagels, donuts and coffee. The parents went for the coffee; the kids liked the donuts!
Juli Apple, our PASS Clinical Coordinator, spoke on The Teenagers Tug-of-War which focused on the ways that teens are pulled in different directions. Each teen discussed their feelings about the different pulls in their lives, and the ways they could stay connected to their families, while learning to be more independent. Jay Burkholder a frequent speaker for PASS, spoke to parents and teens, bringing together the major theme of our program, Building Trust Through Communication. Bianca Alu, PASS Intern, met with our adolescents. The teens were able to talk about communication and how they express themselves within their family units. The young adults were able to bond with other teen adoptees in the group and had fun in the process. Finally, Lisa Hixenbaugh, a talented art therapist, helped parents and teens build “trees of trust”. Each team selected branches and “leaves” to create a tree that symbolized the qualities that best represented who they were as a family. A hearty thank you goes out to everyone who made the workshops a success. For more information on the upcoming summer program.
Irma S. Holland has a Master’s Degree in Social Work from Temple University and has been helping adoptive parents and children for six years.
Keeping Together is Progress.....
Stress: Is It Really All Bad?
by Juli Apple, PASS Clinical Coordinator
Most people already know that stress occurs in our lives during tough and challenging times, as well as exciting or happy times. As I reflect on the experience of adoption, it seems to me that families coming together through permanency brings with it both types of stressors for children and their parents, often at the same time. Many of the most stressful events in life involve changes in family structure, such as additions and losses to families, and major adjustments in the home environment. While creating a family is certainly a time of happiness, it is clear that it is also a time when all involved need to deal with multiple stressors. In permanency-related stress, the symptoms can be apparent at different points along the way, common times are at placement, just before finalization, after finalization, sometimes following a “honeymoon period”, and during the teen years.
Stress Can Be Helpful, But How?
If you have stress, particularly ongoing stress, and are not using positive coping methods to minimize the effects of the stress, you are likely experiencing some discomfort. This discomfort is often the motivator to work toward resolving the stress. At this point, most people begin to develop more effective coping skills. The reason that we feel this discomfort in our bodies, then, is to point out the stress to us, and to encourage us to make the necessary changes for a healthier and happier life.
Recognizing the Physical Symptoms of Stress
While some stress is not harmful, too much can cause symptoms, such as stomach upset, headaches, tense muscles, and backaches. Stress can also cause emotional/behavioral symptoms such as irritability, exhaustion, lowered self- esteem, or difficulty concentrating. Health problems such as heart disease, high blood pressure, sleep disturbances, or asthma, as well as anxiety, depression & other emotional disturbances can be caused by ongoing stress.
Positive Coping Strategies for Parents
Some positive coping strategies when dealing with stress are: acknowledging your feelings, talking about the stress with a spouse or close friend, listening to music, writing in a journal, exercising, going out with a friend, or utilizing respite. Recognizing Stress in Our Children Generally, anything that may cause children fear & anxiety can cause stress. This can mean being away from home, starting a new school, or moving to a new location, being separated from parents or caregivers, and worrying about school & friends, their changing bodies, and about the future.
Positive Coping Strategies for Our Children
To support your children, the first thing you can do is to recognize the signs of stress. Help your child recognize their behavior as a reaction to stress and work together to discover the source of it. Then, you can acknowledge their feelings, offer them praise for their successes, show them warmth and love, and hug them often! Be a good example for dealing with stress – stay calm and control your own emotions. Teach them relaxation techniques, find a physical activity or hobby to do together and eat well. Remember that a sense of humor goes a long way to alleviating stress so find reasons to laugh as much as possible!
Juli has a Master’s Degree in Social Work from the University of Pennsylvania. She has been a child welfare worker in post adoption for seven years and has worked with PASS families for five years.
Sources
Signs of stress in children & teens. www.webmd.com/hw/health_guide_atoz
Stress Management. www.Webmd.com.
Holmes & Rahe. 1967. Holmes-Rahe life changes scale. J. Psychosomatic Res. 11: 213-218.
www.geocities.com/beyond_stretched/holmes.htm 1/31/7.
And Working Together is Success....
Even Adoptive Moms Get the Blues… and it’s called P.A.D.
by Andrea Barol, PASS Administrative Assistant and Adoptive Mom
A recent article in the Philadelphia Inquirer has brought to light a little recognized and rarely studied malady suffered by a number of new adoptive parents. Although, the condition is not widely accepted by medical experts or recognized as a distinct illness, professionals in the field are seeing more signs of depression in adoptive parents. Specialists now believe that adoptive parents will suffer some degree of depression once post-permanency has been established. June Bond, an adoption investigator coined the phrase Post Adoption Depression (PAD) for the real symptoms of depression parents experience.
It could start with feelings of anxiety soon after the adoption is complete. Some parents describe it as a feeling of panic or gross inadequacy for the total responsibility of raising a child. If you think you may have PAD, the good news is you can get past it First, understand that what you are feeling is a natural and realistic part of adoption. Accept that risks are a real part of most adoptions – parents can expect surprises and frustrations along the way. Next, try to simplify your life so you can devote your attention to your family. Let others do the work—you can enlist the help of friends and family. If you have a partner, take care of each other, share parenting duties and talk about your feelings. Most importantly, take care of you. Get plenty of fresh air and exercise. Take naps when you can. Never be afraid to call your doctor if you feel that you need professional help with your feelings of depression. Finally, and here’s where PASS comes in, consider signing up to participate in an adoption support group. Allowing yourself to seek support and communication from other adults is vital to your emotional health.
Symptoms of PAD
Fatigue or loss of energy
Difficulty concentrating and making decisions
Have trouble sleeping or sleeping too much
Loss of interest in being around other people
Being on the verge of tears
Feelings of powerlessness and hopelessness
Loss of enjoyment in things
Irritability
SOURCES
Post-Adoption Depression: Malady and Mystery, Jeff Gammage, The Philadelphia Inquirer, 12/2006
Post Adoption Depression Syndrome by June Bond, Roots and Wings, 1995
Post Adoption Depression: The Unacknowledged Hazard, www.eeadopt.org
Post Adoption Depression by Jean MacLeod, www.adoptivefamilies.com
Adoption and Depression by Karen Ledbetter, www.bellaonline.org
Recommended Reading:
The Post-Adoption Blues by Karen J. Foli & John Thompson.
TASTE OF HOME...
Baked French Toast
Submitted by Gail Elias
My husband and I stayed at a Christian Bed & Breakfast on our honeymoon. This was the first thing we ate the morning after we were married. Our adopted son loves French Toast of any kind!
Ingredients
1/2 c. butter
1 tsp. cinnamon
1 c. brown sugar
1 tsp. vanilla extract
6 eggs
2 tbsp. corn syrup
Directions
In a saucepan, combine butter, brown sugar, and corn syrup, stir constantly, boil 1 minute. Pour in bottom of 8 x 11 baking pan. Lay 3/4 in bread slices in one layer in pan. Whisk eggs, milk, cinnamon, and vanilla extract. Pour over bread, cover, and refrigerate overnight. Uncover, bake 35-40 minutes at 350 o until firm but spongy in the middle. Serve with fresh fruit or syrup. Serves eight... or a hungry five!
Calling All Cooks
Send us your family’s recipe today. It will be featured in our PASS Family Cookbook. We can’t wait to hear the story behind your recipe! iholland@bethanna.org.
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5902 N. 5th Street, Philadelphia, PA 19120 • phone: 215-276-5500 • fax: (215) 276-5533
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